Friday, October 29, 2010

[póém] Lara Biru

Kutitip rindu bersama angin senja
Bersama lembayung senja
Kulukis bayangmu di langit biru yang mulai tersapu
Namun resahku tiada sirna

Saat bayangmu kian pudar
Ada lara di pelataran hati
Ternyata ku tak mampu
Menahan gelora... saat jauh darimu

Waktu terasa begitu sayu
Menanti yang tak jua kembali
Atau ku hanya pemimpi
Persinggahan tuk dilupakan

Kau takkan pernah kembali
Kukubur segala sisa asa
Bersama luka yang lama bertahta

Sunday, October 24, 2010

[LYRICS] Still In Love

Still In Love
Composed by Kim Jaejoong
Lyrics by Kyoko hamler

It’s close to morning
And can’t I see your face
How’d we end up this way
You were the sun in every day

You’d taken my soul
Everytime you’d go
But this time I know
The truth is in your heart, we’re dead and gone

*I know you’re tired of broken promise
I had too many ‘second chances’
I’m a lost man for you, will I ever break through?

**I’m still in love (still in love, but)
She’s thinking of (everyone, but)
The very one (I should move on, but)
Who’s still in love
I’m still in love (still in love, but)
She’s thinking of (everyone, but)
The very one (I should move on, but)
Who’s still in love

I just can’t stand to think
What my day will be
Without you by my side, I just can’t breathe

It don’t matter what they say
I know nobody, can ever take your place


It’s painful that everyone knows
It’s so ture
I’m nothing but a fool for you
But I don’t care, I’ll always be here
Loving you with all I got
I don’t care if you love me or not

[LYRICS] Empty

Composed by Rodney Jerkins
Lyrics by Kyoko hamler, L. Daniels, T. Parker

Girl I swear
I’m never going through this again
I know that you thought you’d win
And before I give you another try
I’d die

*Love won’t make you cry or ask why
Oh why?
So I’ll deny my heart cause I won’t live a lie
Why try?

**Your heart is empty
And you’re so cold
You don’t care about you and I
Your heart is empty
You won’t let go
But I’m walkin’ out this life

***Why can’t you let it go (let it go, let it go, let it go)
Girl because your heart is empty
Why can’t you let it go (let it go, let it go, let it go)
Girl because your heart is empty

There you go
Tryna tell me how to be a man
When that’s something you just don’t understand
It’s time to bring your truth to light
No lie


Your heart is gone
My heart is strong
Leave me alone, leave me alone
Your heart is gone
My heart is strong
Leave me alone, leave me alone

Your heart is empty (empty, empty)
Your heart is empty (empty, empty)
Your heart is empty (empty, empty)
Your heart is empty (empty, empty)
Girl because your heart is empty

[LYRICS] I Can Soar

I Can Soar
Composed by Kim Junsu
Lyrics bu Kyoko Hamler

When you said, I…
Owe you, it was sad
But I see how empty, you are, at your core
So there’s no hard feelings
I know that I’m meant for so much more

*I gave and did above
What I had to
So forward, no more to prove
I’m free to fly
And that is exactly what I’m gonna do

**Cause I…
I’m right here standing
That’s how I know I can withstand
Anything that may come
A wind or a fall
I can soar

I know, I can’t go back
To that dark place I’d went
Your love so damn bad
You took form me only
Blindness, to what I’ve always had

Listen, I know tomorrow
Holds the key to any sorrow
That’s why it’s all okay
Then, now and always

[Fanfic Eng. Version] 사랑하니까…미안해 Saranghanikka... Mianhae 2

Chapter  4 : The Killing Love

"Are you the families of Shim Chang Min ssi?" a surgeon who had just walked out of the surgery room to Mr. Yeon and Geun Yeong who waited outside. Jung Hoon was still in transit from camp draftee.
"Ne, I'm Yeon Jung Soo. What about my son, doctor?" he asked.
The doctor frowned at a glance, heard his surname is different from the patient that he took care,"Well sir, your son injured due to accidents were not too severe, he can also be saved from danger of loss blood. But ..."
"But, why doctors?? Malhae!"
"But the alcohol that enters the blood stream, although didn't too much, has worsed his heart condition."
"Mwo? Heart condition? What do you mean doctor?"
"Why? Don't you know? In the jacket pocket of patient, we found a bottle of medicine, a drug commonly used to relieve heart pain. It appears that your son suffered from congenital heart disease."
'Mw ... MWO?? Co... congenital heart disease?? " Mr. Yeon's face turned to pale, he thought back on his wife (Changmin's biological mother) who died of heart disease, "How... how come?? All this time, my son always seems healthy, he never complained of pain. Since when was he sick?"
"The problem is, I can't be sure, the only one who knew his healthy history was the doctor who first diagnosed it. But based on my knowledge, this disease wouldn't attack if the physical and psychological state of the patient was good, if he did't get stress or depression. The good durability of both conditions, can make such a patient alive as the normal people. But it seems your son had been deteriorating disease for many time. We'll try to figure out a doctor who treated your son before."
"Please doctor, just try all change to heal him. Isn't there a way to help him?? I'll do anything, at any cost, as long as my son recovered. Or if it's necessary, he can brought to USA, as long as he recovered,"
"I understand Yeon ssi, but in USA though, won't be much help to condition your son. But we will always try. Mmmh, we should talk about it in my room."
"Jeoseonghaeyo, euisanim,"  Geun Yeon interrupted the doctor who will turn to his office, "May... may I see him?"
The doctor glanced at Mr. Yeon, as if asking, 'Is she a family member, too?' Then rewarded with a nod by Mr. Yeon, "You could see him when he's transferred to ICU, ne? This way Yeon ssi," the doctor stepped out followed by Mr. Yeon.

A few minutes later, the smelled of the drug sting room's door was open, Changmin's body laid lifeless on the stretcher, wheeled slowly by the two nurses followed by the doctor, another nurse kept pump the oxygen through a hose that connected to Changmin's mouth. Geun Yeong  grimaced painful, she's so sad to saw it.
Geun Yeong stopped in front of the ICU, she hasn't dared to come inside. He didn't want to see the doctor and  the nurse attached the varieties of medical tools and wires to her friend's body. She was leaning on the wall of the room, her knees felt weak, slowly back down until sat hugging her knees and still leaning on that horrible room.
"Agassi ~ ga, are you the family of Shim Changmin ssi?" asked the nurse who had brought her friend into the room.
"N... ne," Geun Yeong forced standing.
" We found this stuffs with the patient," the nurse was handed a small plastic basket, "Geureom," the nurse passed after bowing.
Geun Yeong walked to the bench in front of the room. She then sat down and touched the goods in the basket, softly. There was an i-pod, a mobile phone, a plain platinum ring from his late mother, and a sunflower flat-shaped necklace's pendant. Geun yeong open the necklace's pendant pieces which there are pictures of Changmin's beloved mother who was smiling. Bitter tears, she knew that her friend was missing his beloved mother.
Then she pressed the  turn-on button of the white phone. SARANGHAE ... Changmin's voice recording was greeted as a welcome greeting of the mobile phone, and then... her tears flowed more poignant by remarks of the mobile phone's wallpaper, there's Han Ga In's photo. Changmin still save the woman's photos.
Then, she turned on Changmin's i-pod, there's still the collection of his beloved nuna's photos. Geun Yeong's fingers move about to delete all the woman's photos, scared if it would caught by Jung Hoon ssi or Yeon ssi, fearful that Changmin's hide secret would be uncovered. But she was not entitled to do something to his stuff. Finally, she put  the stuff into her little bag first.

Geun Yeong was stunned for a moment to see the special clothes that she should wear to enter the ICU room. Her face somewhat shaky, looked as if didn't want to see the bodies -which was lying lifeless in the room with various equipment and machines that sustain their lives.
She still looked down as she approached the bed where her friend laid helplessly. She then sat in a chair next to the bed, her body felt weak when she raised her head, stared at Changmin's face which was pale white, his half head swathed in bandages, his neck was still propped by a cantilever tool. A machine kept  pumped the oxygen through a tube that inserted through his mouth. The hiss of machine makes Geun Yeong goosebumps, plus the other sound medical devices, it's sound so painful, even though all the tools may helped her best friend to survive.
Geun Yeong closed her eyes, she couldn't bear to see it. She opened her eyes again, staring at the limp body which partially covered with blankets. There is still the thing - other terrible devices mounted on the body...  the IV in his arm and the cables kept monitor his heart rate and pulse.
"Changmin~aaaa," sobbed Geun Yeong clasped the 'surrender' cold hands which wasn't moving. Her heart was sore at the painful sight, "What shall I do?? What can I do to help you, Changmin~a?" held back her tears dripping at Changmin's palms. She gently stroked the pale skin very carefully, as if afraid that even a soft touching could hurt him. "Mianhae, Changmin~a. Mianhae... I couldn't stop crying... Mianhae... Hang in Changmin ~ a, just get up so I wouldn't cry anymore. Changmin~a..." Geun Yeong continued to sob, burying her face in addition to weak body.
"Agassi, please wait outside. You shouldn't linger long - in this room," a nurse softly patted her shoulder.
"Jo... jeoseonghamnida," Geun Yeong bowed respectfully, then she gently kissed Changmin's forehead which bandages. Then whispered in his ears, "Changmin~a,  I'll wait outside, ne?"
Finally, Geun Yeong was forced to go out, even if she wanted to keep accompanied the namja. Moreover, she shouldn't be selfish, Mr.Yeon was definitely want to visit his son, as did Jung Hoon oppa. She stepped wearily out of the ICU. Mr.Yeon alternately coming to saw Changmin.
In front of the room, Junsu was sitting with a worried expression, wasn't much different with Yunho, no less sad.
"Geun Yeong ~ a, how's Changmin's condition?" asked Junsu. Yunho nudge as if to say, 'Huss, don't ask first!'
Geun Yeong even more sob, Yunho immediately approached, grabbed her shoulders gently, took her seat on the bench. And her shoulder seems more shook. Junsu grabbed her shoulders and head, gently, letting the tears shed in his embrace.
"Oppa, Changminnie... jeongmal aphayo..." Geun Yeong was unable to continue the words - she said, her chest packed full of sadness.
Junsu could only stroke her hair, Yunho patted her shoulder too. They could both feel the same sadness, they were shocked to hear their cheerful and never complained Changmin was suffering from the quite severe.
It's almost five days, his condition hasn't improved yet. By the request of Mr.Yeon, he could be moved to his own treatment room, so they could be on his side. Various medical devices still attach to his body. Yoochun and Jaejoong who was on vacation in Lombok, had come back to Korea again. Geun Yeong and four other friends decided to turns guard Changmin, as they're still have summer holiday. Jung Hoon and Mr.Yeon also always took time to the hospital between their busy in the office.
"Annyeong," a woman came in, say hello to Yoochun and Yunho who were still sleepy on the couch.
"Aaa... Ga In nuna, why did you unusually come alone? Why didn't Jung Hoon oppa come with?" Yoochun asked as he rubbed his eyes.
"Oh, geuge... I haven't met oppa today. Mmmh, how's Changmin? Did he already conscious?" asked Ga In a little nervous.
"Not yet nuna, but we'll keep encourage him," Yunho said as he looked toward the motionless body was still in bed.
"Geure...," Ga In nods, pensive for a moment, she ran out of words, "Where're everyone?"
"Junsu, Geun Yeong, and Jaejoong we ordered to went home last night, let them take a rest first," said Yunho.
"Geure...," again and again Ga In nodded, "You two are also better go home, let nuna who turns guarding him. "
"Didn't Nuna go to work?" Yoochun asked.
"Ani, it's handled first by my vice. Today, nuna want to guard Changmin," said Ga In as casually as possible, "You just take a break first."
"All right, please contact us if Changmin woke, nuna," Yunho got up and pulled Yoochun's arm, "Come on Chunnie, we go home," bowed respectfully to Ga In.
"Geureom, annyeong," Yoochun bowed before followed Yunho to the exit.
After Yunho and Yoochun out, Ga In approached the bed. Ga In looked at the pale face, her eyes began to warm. Then came the soft sobs that accompanied the sound of a heart monitor and the hiss of oxygen pumping machine.
"Minnie~ya, babe... mianhae... I have hurt you. But really, actually I also have started to fall in love with you... I... I feel happier if I with you," Ga In grip the weak limp palms, softly, "I never tought to playing game with your heart. Yes, you actually had fill my loneliness days when your hyeong went, but really... it's not just an escape, I find the comfort with you... I..." Ga In kissed Changmin's back palm which middle finger clamped by the connected device with a small cable on a monitor.
Ga In continued soft kissed the cold hands, occasionally placed on her soft cheek, as if to drain the warmth of her, "Minnie~ya, healed... wake up... I want to heard your crishpy laughter again...," she sobbed quietly, "Mianhae... I'm confused... I don't want to marry your brother anymore... I want to be with you, but I also don't deserve you..." her shoulder was shaking gently, "Minnie~ya, it wasn't you who should give in, but I'm the one who should've gone from your life... from Jung Hoon oppa's life... "
"Eonnie?!!" audible voice rising behind her, Geun Yeong stood staring cynical to her.
"Geu... Geun Yeong ~a?" Ga In shock, she quickly rose from the chair beside the bed, wiped tears with her fingers.
"Eonniga better not here!" Geun Yeong subtle kick.
"Geu... Geun Yeong ~ a, I ..." said Ga In nervously.
"I already knew all, eonni. Changmin told me after both of you 'broke' the affair," said Geun Yeong with srtuggle feelings that raged in her heart, anger, jealousy, sadness ...
"I.. I'm..." Ga In's face looks as a suspect who caught her alibi.
"Please eonnie, don't give him the hope anymore. Eonni had enough to destroy him!" Geun Yeong hysterical, unstoppable tears rolled from her eyes again.
"Geun Yeong~a..." Ga In reach her shoulders, trying to calm her down even though she felt herself abysmally.
"Just go eonnie! Don't let anyone else know this problem... especially oppa, or Changmin would be more hurt and sorrow. He wasn't worth living because he had the sense of sinfulness to oppa. He just felt deserve to die because of his guilty sense," said Geun Yeong bitterfull, brushed Ga In's hands, "And please don't let Jung Hoon oppa suspect this problem."
Before lifting her feet from the room, Ga In stared once again at the young man who was still lying in the bed, 'Good-bye, Minnie...' whispered her with a sore heart.
Geun Yeong looked at the gone of  woman with a painful heart, a woman who loved Changmin and Changmin love her so much. The atmosphere of the room was back to silent, there're only the audible hiss of the oxygen-pumping machine and the graph of pulse and heart rate sound accompaniment that accompany her friend's sleep tired, her beloved friend. Then she went near Changmin's bed and sit on the chair where has been sat by Ga In before.
"Changmin~aaa, I'm coming," Geun Yeong touched Changmin's cheek which rather obstructed plaster kept an oxygen tube in his mouth, "Changmin~aaa, wake up please. Get up before the summer holiday hurried out. Jun-pa, Chun-pa, Jae-pa, and Yun-pa are also waiting for you. Hurry recover, we are going to vacation together again, ne? "
There was no answer, just the usual sound which accompanied  Changmin's days in the room. Then, the door opened slowly and the sound of softly steps. Yunho, Yoochun, Jaejoong and Junsu, approached her.
"See Changminnie, we are complete, right? We're all waiting for you," the grains of tears re-rolled on her smooth cheeks.
"Yes Minnie, we're all here," added Junsu gently stroking his beloved girl's shoulders.
"Ne, Changmin~a, we're here for you. Please speedy recovery," said Yoochun, held his friend's limp hand, softly .
"Geure Min, how poor Joongie and Chunnie,  they can't through spend their holidays in Lombok because you sleep like this," joked Yunho, tried to warm the atmosphere, "Right Joongie?"
"Ne, Minnie~ya. It's all because of you, I shall return here when I'm going to acquaintance and date with an Indonesian girl in there," Jaejoong said yes, while pursed his lips cutely.
"See Min? Poor Jaejoong oppa, his mission to get girlfriend just failed because of you," Geun Yeong wiping her eyes, trying to smile.
"Eu.. kyang... kyang ...! It's your own fault hyeong, You went vacation without us. If we went together, we certainly helped you to get a girlfriend, right Min?" said Junsu glanced at Changmin who still in silent.
"Cish, You.... yourself also haven't been have a girlfriend! How can you help Jaejoong oppa to get a girlfriend?!" teased Yoochun.
"Uhm, I'm faithful waiting for...." Junsu glanced at the only one girl present in the room.
"Ha... ha... how pity you, Su. Love of one hand clapping. Geun Yeong only love Changmin, not you," said Yoochun didn't want to lose.
Geun Yeong blushed, 'Geure, mianhae Junsu oppa, I only love Changmin,' whispered her heart, looked at Changmin's pale face.
They kept joking, breaking the silence of the room. They kept talking as if Changmin was listening and being joined with their conversation, as usual when they're together.

Chapter 5 : Lately

"Changmin~aaa?" call Yoochun as he saw Changmin's eyelids seem to be moving slowly.
"Changmin~a?" the other called compact.
Slowly his eyelids move up, little by little her eyes open, then closed again because the light in the room who can't be adapted by his eyes that have been long accompanied by darkness.
"Changmin~a, can you hear us??" Yunho thrust his face.
Changmin tried to open his eyes again, she vaguely saw Yunho's face, then circulate the consideration. Like a dream, he saw the face of all his friends who had long he missed, and a girl's face who greeted him with smiles of relief.
"Thanks god, you finally wake up kid," Yoochun sighed with relief, greeted with his sweetest smile.
"Eorenmanhiyeyo, do you remember us?" greeted Jaejoong with relief smiles.
Changmin can only respond by blinking his eyes which still weak. He move his palm slowly, lifted his best to touch the oxygen tube that attached to his mouth, "Euh... eunghhh..." he wanted to talk, but the hose was jammed in his throat.
"Don't talking and of moving a lot first. I'll call the doctor," Yunho grabbed Changmin palms gently, lowered back into bedside position.

Dr. Han and two nurses came to check, after being told that their patient has unconscious. Then one of the nurses disconnect the oxygen hose from the machine, she slowly release the tape that secures the hose at Changmin's mouth and pull out the tube from his throat. Changmin looked grimaced in pain.
Geun Yeong can't bear to see it, she buried her face in Junsu's shoulder. When she looking back to Changmin, the hose had been replaced with an oxygen mask. Changmin still looks heavy breath, his chest up and down movement was still weak.
"Please, don't push the patient to talk first. His heart and lungs haven't been could breathe normally," adviced dr.Han, "We will always monitor his condition. If there're something happen or need something else, please call us," he went out from the room followed by the nurses.
Junsu, Yunho and Yoochun  sat, watching Changmin from the couch, Geun Yeong sitting on the left side of Changmin's bed while Jaejoong stood next to his right.
"You sleep first, Min. We will always accompany here," Jaejoong stroked his head of which are no longer bandaged, "Oh i just remember, I will contact your appa and hyeong."
"Heu... hyeong?" Changmin almost inaudible voice, he tried to speak, but his throat still feels sick and weak.
"Don't speak first. Just sleep Minnie, you're still weak," Jaejoong advice while continuing to rub his forehead and head gently, while Geun Yeong rubbed  his arm. Finally, Changmin's eyelids slowly closing again, maybe the drugs given by the doctor also made him sleepy.
As he knew his brother was unconscious, Jung Hoon arrived at noon, accompanied by a beautiful lady, his new secretary in the office, as well as his personal driver who appears carrying some food parcels from a famous restaurant. Before they came in to Changmin's room, they went to Yunho, Jaejoong and Yoochun who was sitting on the couch outside, next to the room. They rose and bowed respectfully when they saw he's coming.
"Gomawo, you're always here for him. By the way, I buy some food, you definitely haven't had lunch, right?" Hoon Jung commanded Soo Man ssi to put the food he was carrying.
"Gamsahamnida, Hyeong," said Yunho represent.
"I was supposed to be grateful. We go in, ne? Just enjoy your lunch."
Once again, they bowed. Jung Hoon immediately entered the room followed by his secretary, while the driver returned to wait in the lobby.
"Oh, oppa," Geun Yeong stood, bowed respectfully.
"Annyeong, hyeong," Junsu said, also bowing.
"Annyeong Geun Yeong~a, Junsu~ya. Is he still asleep?" Jung Hoon asked quietly, afraid to wake his brother.
"Ne," said Geun Yeong.
"You had to lunch with them, don't follow to sick. I brought the food out, just join in there," Jung Hoon patted Junsu.
Geun Yeong and Junsu nodded then went out to join with their three friends on the couch next to the rooms.
"Heu... hyeong," whispered Changmin weakly, behind the oxygen mask. His eyes opened slowly, looking at the two people who were standing next to his bed right.
"Ne? Are you awake?" Jung Hoon thrust his face as he gently stroked his brother's hair.
"Geunyeo... nugu... seyo?" Changmin whispered softly.
"Oh, yes... please introduce, she's Hyeong old friend, Now, she's being my personal secretary, Lee Da Hae," said Jung Hoon.
"Annyeong, Changmin~a. Did you remember nuna? Lee Da Hae imnida. I've visit your house when we're high school."
Changmin slightly furrowed brow, long time ago. 'So is she the woman who envied Ga In?" he wondered.
"Annyeong," Changmin greeted weakly, his hands trying to remove the oxygen mask.
"Andwae .. andwae! Don't  take off," Da Hae helped to put back the mask gently.
'Apparently she's a good woman. Is it true that she has a 'relationship' with hyeong again? What about the Ga In?' Changmin looked at her, hesitantly. Asking himself in heart  and he wasn't willing if his nuna yeppeo (Han Ga In) is diminished, if ultimately abandoned by his hyeong because of this woman.
"Hyeong," called Changmin slowly.
"Ne?" Jung Hoon closer back to his head.
"Hyeong~a, do you still love her?" Changmin whispered weakly.
"Nugu?" asked Jung Hoon.
"Geu yeojaga," Changmin whispered, glancing Da Hae.
"Anio, just friends," whispered Jung Hoon, afraid of sounding Da Hae.
"Thanks God," Changmin's voice is still weak, he sighed.
"Geundae Wae?" Jung Hoon whispered again.
"Ah... anya," replied Changmin difficulty, his breathing felt hard again, even talking a little it's feels so tired like had yelling out in the desert.
"Shhh... enough, just back to sleep," Jung Hoon was still touching his brother's hair, until he fell asleep again because it's still within the influence of the drugs.
"Da Hae~ya, just go back to the office with Man Soo ssi. I'll go there later," ordered Jung Hoon. Da Hae nodded and bowed first before went out.
Mr. Yeon came in, Jung Hoon bowed respectfully greeted his father.
"Your brother is sleeping?" glanced Mr.Yeon at Changmin who was lying quietly in bed.
"Ne. So, what the doctor said, Appa?"
Mr.Yeon didn't directly answer, instead he sighed as he leaned his back onto the couch in the room.
"Wae, Appa?" Jung Hoon sat down beside him, he was so worried to see his appa looked so sad and desperate.
"Your brother's heart is getting worst, and the circumstances lead to pulmonary hypertension," explained Mr.Yeon bitterly.
"Pulmonary hypertension? What else is it?"
"I don't know, Appa also less understood, he said oxygen through the lung trouble - caused by asbestos. It seems he more severe than what was experienced by his eomma," Mr.Yeon tears.
"Is not there a way to help him? Transplantation  or the other way?"
"Even though there is a suitable donor, it isn't possible to do transplant this time. The doctors said that it would be more dangerous because his condition is very weak."
"So, what can we do??"
Mr. Yeon just shook his head in despair.
"So, will he can't survive??"
"Depending on the motivation from himself," Mr.Yeon sighed again, "Mianhae, Yeon Mi~ya.... I can't keep my promise to protect him. I'm a bad father." Mr.Yeon covered his face with his palms, the tears seeping granules from his sidelines fingers. Jung Hoon couldn't hold back his tears, he hugged his father's shoulders, giving strength each others to face the harsh reality that should they receive.
Changmin who wasn't completely asleep, silently heard the quiet conversation between his appa and his hyeong, 'Appa... hyeong... mianhae, I had make you cry... But I deserve to die... I'm a bad damn brother... I deserve to die... ' Changmin tears melt from the corner of his eye.

Epilogue : The Buried Secret

The morning sun shine illuminate Changmin's room through the open window, the summer morning air warmed the atmosphere of the room scented typical hospital. Changmin's face wasn't too pale as yesterday. Junsu, Yunho, Yoochun, Jaejoong and Geun Yeong was enjoying the warm tea on the sofa in the room.
While at the Changmin's bedside there're Jung Hoon accompanied by Ga In that looked a little awkward. Geun Yeong occasionally looked at her with sarcasm. Then Mr.Yeon came in, he always took time to visit Changmin before leaving office.
"How's Appa's Magnae this morning?" Mr.Yeon said smiling, gently stroking Changmin forehead.
"I'm better, Appa," replied Changmin, releasing his oxygen mask.
"Wait, don't..." prevent Mr.Yeon.
"Gwaenchana Appa, I want to breathe the morning air."
"Geure," Mr.Yeon nodded.
"Appa...," said Changmin hoarsely.
"When would Appa marry them??" Changmin glanced to Jung Hoon and the women at his side.
"Later, when you're recover," said Mr.Yeon smiling, in his heart he wanted to cry. Is it possible he could see him recover?
"Geure, then you have to get better soon. So that all of us can hold a big party," added Jung Hoon, putting his arm to Ga In's shoulder tenderly. Ga In subdue her face, she felt abysmally.
"Hyeong," Changmin's face turned gray, "Mianhae ... jeongmal mianhae," his tears spilling out.
"Waeyo?"  asked Jung Hoon wonder.
"Waeyo, Changmin~a... are you feel pain again?? What's pain?? Odie aphayo?" Mr. Yeon worried.
Geun Yeong who heard it, suddenly became tense, worried about what would Changmin said. Likewise with Ga In, her heart felt beat faster.
"Hyeong... jeongmal mianhae..."  cried Changmin irritatedly.
"Wae... why should you apologize? Changmin waeyo?" Jung Hoon wiped Changmin's tears with the palm of his hand.
"A... ani," Changmin realized that his act almost reveal everything, "Mianhae, because... cause I was sick,  Hyeong's marriage with nuna be delayed," he tried to hide the true conscience.
Geun Yeong sigh of relief to hear that, her four friends looked surprised. Conscious attention, Geun Yeong just grins as a foolish one.
"Aigooo, Hyeong guess there are something serious. Don't feel guilty so. We'll wait until you recover. We're not going to get married before you get well, right jagiya?" Jung Hoon glanced Ga In.
"Ah... uh, yes," replied Ga In trying to not nervous.
"Andwae. Don't wait for me... I'm impossible to..." said Changmin gasped painfully restrained.
"You must be get well soon, son. We're going to hold a big party, araseo??" cutted Mr.Yeon bitterly, comforting his self.
"Aaagh... Hyeong~a," Changmin trying to sit down, Mr. Yeon with reflex prop Changmin's back with his hands, to help his son get up.
"Ne?"  asked Jung Hoon approaching.
"Hyeong~a," Changmin took Jung Hoon's palm, "Nuna~do," reach Ga In's palm too.
"N... ne?" Ga In still nervous.
"Will you promise me?" Changmin approach his hyeong's palms together with his nuna.
"Promise what?" Jung Hoon frowned.
"Promise, you'll soon be married and happy. Promise, ne?" Changmin looked Jung Hoon furiously.
"Sure," smiled Jung Hoon bitterly.
"Nuna??" Changmin glanced Ga In.
"Of... of course Changmin~a," replied Ga In, trying to hide her nervousness.
"Appa, would you promised me too?" Changmin stared Mr.Yeon.
"Ne?" the man came out of her reverie.
"Appa promise that you wouldn't be sad..." Changmin held out his little finger.
"Ne??" Mr.Yeon even stunned.
"Promise?"  gestured Changmin again with his little finger.
"Oh.. uh.. promise," Mr.Yeon linking Changmin's little finger on his little finger.
"Now I'm more relief," Changmin sighed of relief, then going to laid back, Mr.Yeon reflex helps him to laid back, truly his heart couldn't bear to held back his tears, but he held it in front of Changmin.
Geun yeong shed his tears of emotion mixed with sadness, Junsu hugged her tightly.
"Appa... Hyeong, just go up," Changmin added, "You'll be late to the office."
"Gwaenchana, after all it is our own company," said Mr. Yeon.
"Appa, Hyeong, and nuna, just leave to the office," expel Changmin.
"We want to be with you here first," said Jung Hoon.
"But I want to take a rest. If you keep looking at me, how can I rest?" Changmin sulking spoiled.
"Alright... alright... we go first."
Finally they all left, Changmin stay with his fifth friend. Geun Yeong returned to Changmin's bedside, followed by Junsu, Yoochun, Jaejoong and Yunho.
"You too," Changmin looked at the four guys who approached.
"Wae??" asked his four of friends compact.
"You just go back home! Just take a bath first! So stinky!"  acted Changmin fiercely.
"Kyaaa!" they protested compact.
"Neo~do," Changmin pointed at Yeong Geu.
"Na??" Geun Yeong pointed herself.
"Yeah, you also go home!"
"Andwae! I want to be here! They are who have to go home," Geu Yeong pointed the four guys who are still standing in front of the bed.
"Geure, we'll go home," said Yunho pulled out his three friends immediately.
"Wait!" called Changmin.
"Ne?" they turned back compact.
"Gomawo," Changmin smile, rewarded by his four friends. Four of them walked out, they didn't go home but sat on the couch beside the room. They knew well that Changmin acted to be strong and cheerful. They din't want to leave the hospital.
Geun Yeong sat beside Changmin's bed.
"Geun Yeong~a..., gomawo..."
"Mianhae, if I had hurt your feelings."
"I know you love me more than friend. But I can't..."
"Araseo, gwaenchana."
"Can I hug you?"
Geun Yeong nodded and then closed while helping Changmin sitting.
"Gomawo that you had been hiding my secret... my sins... mianhae if that burden," Changmin held her tightly.
"Gwaenchana, I'm willing to do it."
"Mianhae, because I realize it too late ..."
"Ne? Realize...?"
"Geun Yeong~a, saranghae ..."
"Anio," Changmin let go of his embrace, "I'm very sleepy."
"Then, go to sleep," Geun Yeong help Changmin to laid back on the hospital bed.
"Geun Yeong~a," Changmin smiled at her.
"Ne?" Geun Yeong stroked his head.
"Gomawo," Changmin whispered again. His eyes already tired, getting sleepy. He closed his eyes slowly, his lips still smile.
Geun Yeong starred at her friend's smiling face who silently she loved, she kept looking at his face which rather pale, peacefully sleep like a baby, "My sun, my babe, saranghae..." she whispered, kissing the lips of her 'sleeping baby'. Then she sat back in the chair first, but her hands wasn't willing to let go of  Changmin's palms. She raised the blanket to the extent of his chest.
"Saranghae," whispered Geun Yeong, laid her head near Changmin's thigh, still clutching fingers of his right hand, still cann't let go of her view by the sleeping baby's face who was very peaceful, but slowly her eyes were heavy until she followed her friend to sleeping.
 Without Geun Yeong knew, the clear grains rolled from both of the corner of Changmin's eyes, his face growing pale, his fingers getting cold, until finally the sound of the monitor beside his bed sounded the long scream, BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!

* The End *